Memories

My sister's choir concert concluded with this piece. Brought back memories from High school, when we used to sing it. I remember really enjoying it. Not terribly complicated or obscure -- from what I gather from the youtube message boards, every high school choir in the south seems to have sung it at one time or another --, its played-out, simplicity does not detract from its beauty.

Home brings out the strongest feelings of consciously acknowledged disdain and pride. I noticed it yesterday sitting in my old high-school cafeteria, listening to my sister sing. Strong revulsion at the homeliness of my surroundings overtook me; the sight of a bunch of middle-class, country folk, watching their mediocre sons and daughters preform was too much. I felt indignation that God had placed me here again.

And what could I do? Those were my thoughts. I knew they were wrong, but I couldn't stop them. I felt ashamed, my base emotions and unconscious thoughts gave me away. Who am I anyway? Do I really think that just because I received an Ivy League education, I am no longer part of a broader humanity - one that my Ivy League personality spits upon, seeing it as homily, embarrassing and laughable? Similar emotions sweep over me at the audit classes. If the people in the room knew what I thought of them as they bumble over seemingly easy material, they would kick me out of the room.

I was not a genius in High School. There were other kids smarter than me, and I could admit without a problem. Now, after four years of elite education, I've forgotten myself. Ivy League education didn't make me smarter. Sure, I'm a bit more knowledgeable, a bit more refined, but that doesn't make me more intelligent. Part of me, a part I can't seem to access, a part that needs a good wake-the-hell-up kick in the ass, thinks going to Princeton made me genius. If anything, Princeton made me a fool. Life is a gift. Intelligence is a gift. Strength is a gift. Looks are a gift. They are not to be used to "lord" over others, but to serve them. Thus,

Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but made himself nothin, taking the form of a servant, being born inth e likeness of men. And being found in human form, he humbled himself be becomeing obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross.

Many of these thoughts drifted through my head while watching my sister preform. The music was beautiful, and I realized I preferred high school choir's rendition of classic pieces because you hear a paradox: the beauty of the music shines forth in spite of and through the imperfect harmonies, faulty rhythm and unpolished voices as does the Glory of the Lord in each one of his children.